Yesterday...

So yesterday I "went" to Church. We were doing this thing were we were using the Internet to guide a discussion, specifically we were using Facebook.

So in the discussion the question was asked, do you believe in miracles?

One of the people online answered "yes, and it would be a miracle if someone from the Church called me after filling out 2 guest cards"

I responded, I thought, to this guy...but of course my response got posted for everyone to see. My bad...

Here is what I said: "Hey Paul, I am with you man, I am a member here and sometimes it feels like your a mouse trapped in a maze and the only way to get around is to find the scent of cheese to guide you. It seems impossible to get any questions answered sometimes, even when you follow the "rules" and use the guest cards, or the online forms, or leave emails or messages for people...you never get any contact or response. It's pretty sad."

OK, I will admit...not the best thing in the world to post for all to see...even if that was not my intent. I really thought that only Paul would see my response, but oh well. Having said that, I don't really think what I had to say was that out of place or warranted the treatment I got from the pastor after the service.

Essentially, I got chased out into the parking lot and chastised for using the service to air my dirty laundry. I didn't really get the chance to respond because the pastor was busy angrily raking me over the coals, or I would have gotten the chance to say that it was a mistake and that I never wanted everyone to see the post, only that I wanted to try to connect with this dude who was having the same problems as I was connecting to the Church...but I never got to say that.

Actually, my wife described the event as a fight, and I even think that she felt somewhat physically threatened because she jumped into the car really quick and locked the doors...locking me out!!

But you know what, I am glad that I got that off my chest. I have tried to get help for others and for myself through that Church for years now. I make phone calls, leave messages, fill out forms...I do all the things that they "advertise" that I do in order to get on what they call "on ramps" into the life of the Church. But ever since I left the ministry there, I (and my wife) have felt like they just want us to go away.

They asked us to resign because of my sin...which I did. Yes I was mad, but I got over it...the problem was that when they asked us to resign the elders made a lot of promises (they were going to pay for our counseling, they were going to help me pursue my education as part of the "path" to restoration etc...) I, and my wife, both heard these promises. When I called them on the carpet about them, their response was "we never said that"...well I should say that some of them said that, the others agreed that they had said it...but, when push came to shove...they fell in-line so as to not rock the boat.

But you know what, I gave up on that...I counted it as a consequence of my sin and have since decided not to hang my hat on that. All I have asked since then are for some simple things:
Help me get into or start a small group...
Help me to get back into meaningful ministry there...

Here is the response that I have gotten...silence.

When I confront them about this, the table gets turned and immediately everything is blamed on me...I'm angry, I have unfinished sin, I need to call so and so, and do such and such.

Listen, in my mind it's pretty simple...If you post in your bulletin and online at your web page, ways to get answers to questions and get connected, and I take advantage of those things...then the ball is in your court to respond. And to blame me when you don't, to excuse your innaction by defaming me...well that's just funny.