Backed into a corner...

Over the past, almost, 3 years I have been living with this awareness that I essentially exist in the corner. Not like the kid who pulled Mary Janes pony tail mind you, but rather like the dog who has been cornered and has no place to go.

It just seems like that no matter what I do or say any more, everyone else feels like they have license to play the "wise" card on me and claim that they are more enlightened than I am and can discern my motives, intentions, etc...And almost always, their "interpretation" is that I am:
not really dealing with my issues...
angry...
lying...
etc...

No matter what I do, it cannot be that I am doing it from pure motivess, or pure frustration at being backed into a corner. Ok, yeah, I have wrote a few magazine articles and had a few conversations where I spoke before I thought. I walk away from those things beating myself up wishing that I could take it back. But as the saying goes: words are like arrows, once you let if fly it will hit something and stick.

But you know what? I am not the only person who says smart ass things!! I have never met a person who doesn't have a big mouth, and I am not the only person who has ever wounded another with their words.

So what do I do? I apologize, I try to clarify things and get people to see what is at the heart of what I am saying so that I don't freak too many people out.

But I don't do that all the time...I don't tick people off all the time. Most of the time when I talk to a person I use this method:

"Hey, I am frustrated and here's why...here's the person I need help with...here's the promise I need to be kept" etc...

Most of the time I am asking people for help, thats all I want. I have a physical, financial, relational, vocational, or spiritual problem I need help with, so can ya help me?

But because I am backed into a corner, everyone tries to tell me that my problem isn't physical, financial, relational, vocational, or spiritual, but rather my problem is me...

I suck...
I'm angry...
I'm vindictive...
I'm self centered...

The thought never seems to cross their mind that I am fighting for my sanity, my marriage, my future, my relationsips with God and others...

No, I just suck...