Finding Rhythm...

I need desperately to belong to a Church. That may sound weird, considering that I go to a pretty cool Church that is big and has lots of opportunities to belong...but the fact is that I don't feel like I belong.

Some of this is me, and I know it. I want to be in the leadership positions that other people have in the Church and I am not willing to serve under them. Is it a lack of submission and a servant hood attitude. Maybe...I just think it is part and parcel of my calling and that it means that God wants me elsewhere to lead the things that I cannot lead out in here at Countryside. And, to be honest, in some ways I think that I can be a better, more authentic leader and can do a much better job. I still feel like certain people are hiding behind their "pastor" personality and I have just been convinced that you cannot serve God and your personality as well. That is one of the reasons why pastors fall.

I also feel like I don't belong, because the people whom I once had strong contact with, no longer seem to want to talk with me. Oh, I have lots of friends who respect me on the leadership there, and they are behind me all the way in many ways. But there are certain people who have just lost the concept of sabbath and friendship, and have filled their lives with so many of the things that help build up their "pastor" personality, that they have lost touch with the people they pastor. It's frustrating...