The Disciple whom Jesus Loved...

As a teen I refused to read the book of John. Nor would I read anything else he wrote because I was frustrated over the fact that he seemed self absorbed. I mean, in his own gospel account he refers to himself over and over as THE disciple who Jesus loved:

13:23 One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to
him.

19:26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved
standing nearby, he said to her, "Woman, [a]
here is your son,"

21:7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!"
As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer
garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water.

21:20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was
following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the
supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?")

Does this guy have a big head or what?

Well the reality is that I was a moron as a teen and didn't really understand this. Truth is: Maybe I still don't. But I do have a hunch.

John is the one who wrote about a Jesus who would lay down his life for his friends. That Jesus would literally give up his life as an act of love for those whom he "loved".

I think that John gets this, I think that when he writes that he is "the one whom Jesus loved", that he is stating that he feels the brunt of being the very friend whom Jesus died for. It is not a self-interested declaration, not a self-important boasting. But John "feels" loved...he's seen it in action. He knows he is loved, because he has seen Jesus die.